92 Year Old Keeps Cool, Chews His Way Through Tape To Freedom

Read about how this old guy survived a home robbery here.

Iran Gets Outfoxed By This Old Guy

Hossein Ghanbarzadeh Vahedi decided to go back to Iran to visit some relatives after living in America as a citizen for quite some time. Bad idea. They tried to extort him and took his passport away. So, like any tough old buzzard in his 75th year, he did the sensible thing by hiring two guides to lead him on horseback over a freezing mountain range into Turkey.

Read his manly story here.

Lieutenant Colonel Ron Speirs

They don't make them like this anymore. Tough and conscientious in war, loyal and kind in peace. Read about the man behind the WWII legend here.

Charlton Heston. On A Stamp.

It's about time. And just think of the possibilities. Such as Mr. Heston's penetrating stare daring the recipient of your Letter of Refusal To Pay to so much as whimper a protest with their downcast, unmanly eyes. Or sending off your membership application to the NRA with Charlton's face confidently beaming his approval downwards from that Great Shooting Range in the Sky. Ah yes. A stylishly manly postage stamp and the eventual return of dignity to the USPS.

Sign the petition for the quintessential tough old man here.

Toughest Old Patriot Ever

Samuel Whittemore would have received the Medal of Honor if it were around during the American Revolution. And that at 80. No wonder he is the official state hero of Massachusetts. Tough beyond words.

See his headstone here and his story here.

Happy 114th Birthday, Walter Breuning

No kids. No wife since 1957. A life working the railroads. Read about Walter's secret to longevity here.

Old Man Of The Moment: Bill Millin

(AP Photo)

You may not have heard of Bill Millin, but he did his part to fight the Nazis on D-Day at Sword Beach and later at a captured bridge near the village of Ouistreham that was vital to the enemy's reinforcement efforts. He did so by playing the bagpipes to rally on his fellow soldiers while ignoring machine-gun and artillery fire. He was unarmed and just a 21-year-old private at the time, breaking regulations at the request of his superior to build morale. He was surrounded by some of the most incredible and disheartening carnage seen by the last century. Later, he went home, got an education, and made some contributions to the world in spite of his experiences. Mr. Millin recently died of complications related to a stroke. 

Read more about him here. 

Love Hurts (Or At Least It Did For This Old Man)

This old guy deserves an honorable mention if only for surviving 15 stab wounds. Guess that's what he gets for trying to date a 23-year-old woman with a drinking habit. The roommate that goes back to bed after stopping the initial stabbings is a real keeper, too.

Old Man Of The Moment: Jack Palance

(AP Photo/John Hayes)

Second generation American. Professional boxer with a record of 15 consecutive victories. WWII pilot that bailed out of a burning bomber and had the scarred face to prove it. Three-time Academy Award nominee and eventual one-time winner. And the performer of those awesome (yes I eat runny eggs, country ham, and red-eye gravy for breakfast at two minutes to the crack of dawn every morning) one-handed push-ups. Call him what you like, but Jack Palance was definitely one interesting, tough old hombre.

Read about him here and here. And then act accordingly.

The Undisputed Champ Of Public Transit

Watch a 67-year-old man hand an unnecessarily aggressive young upstart his own inexperienced tuches so he can wear it as a hat. Definitely NSFW for coarse language, realistic blood and gore, and sheer stupidity.

Pretty Good For An Old Canadian

In this story, an 84-year-old man falls down a cold well and spends 4 days trying to get himself out--with an improvised grappling hook made from a broken board and the belt holding up his trousers. He would have succeeded, too, if the rotten board hadn't broken each time. When he was finally found, all he asked for was a bowl of soup.

Old Man vs. Tree

We'll call it a draw. For now.

One of my favorites, from 2005: a Kenyan man gets attacked by a leopard, and he rips its tongue out.

Read it here.

Here's One To Get Us Started

An old man and some turd of a snake in his garden--his garden! He does what any tough old man would do. You can read the story here.